Recently Viewed Tutorials
|
how to learn the art of communicating with husband
Learn How To Talk Without Conflicts - some tried and true tricks that can work for you!
Tutorial
Does it turn into an argument everytime you want to "talk" to your spouse or significant other about anything? There are some techniques and tricks that can help. First of all, remember that it is possible that the two of you have gotten into some bad habits which could be standing in the way of real communication. Some of these bad habits can be so ingrained in us that as soon as we feel the tension that a "talk" can bring, we immediately go into these old patterns. Hmmm. How's that workin' for you? Recognizing and dealing with bad communication habits could be a good starting place. Do you and your significant other do any of these behaviors when you are trying to "talk"?
- Interrupting - often we don't realize that we are so busy trying to get our point across that we interrupt each other over and over. When this happens neither person is heard. It's also a sure-fire way to start a shouting match. The only way to really communicate is for both sides to be heard without interruption.
The Talking Stick
One way to begin learning how to listen to each other - and how to stop interrupting each other- is to make use of a "talking stick". This can be anything you want -a pencil, a book, the tv remote -it doesn't matter what you use. The idea is to take turns holding the item. While you are holding it, it is your turn to talk. When you have had the talking stick for an agreed upon length of time, you pass it to the other person and it is his turn to talk while you listen.
You can pass the "talking stick" back and forth as many times as you want to. This method is a great way to cool down even a very heated argument. Since only one person at a time talks, an angry disagreement can actually turn into a real discussion.
You may want to agree on a specific length of time for each persons turn, perhaps one or two minutes. Or you may be able to take turns without "timing" them. If you can do this it keeps you from having a timer go off when you are in mid-sentence.
Remember, when it is your turn to talk the other person may not interrupt you, but it can also be a good idea to agree to be courteous and actually "listen". You may need to agree that there will be no smirking, eye rolling, or other hostile or rude gestures from the "listener" and when it is your turn to be the "listener" you need to abide by these rules too.
Talking and listening...that's what communication is all about.
- Being mean. Just like it sounds. When you are having a disagreement it is easy to forget that the two of you are disagreeing about a thing. It might be the lawn that was not mowed, the car fender that got dented or the checking account that got overdrawn. These are all things and have nothing to do with whether his Dad was lazy, or she burned dinner last night. It is easy to become just plain mean when confronted with an unhappy issue but it will only block communication and leave hurt feelings on both sides. Try to stay on the issue and keep reminding each other that you are trying to "problem solve" not win a battle. If anyone ends up hurt, you both loose. Keep your cool, keep your tongue, and remember: NO namecalling, swearing, sarcasm or yelling. Stay in adult mode, being mean only shows that you have lost sight of the real issue being discussed.
by Anonymous on Sunday, January 07, 2007
Information About This Tutorial
Tutorial Requestor: Anonymous
Request Created: 9/25/2006 1:26:41 PM
Request Description:
1816
|
|
